I Protest

Me no feel good.

For the past few weeks, I've felt cold symptoms for a few days, and then felt fine for a few days, in a repeating cycle. I've been very diligent about keeping my thoughts on health, on not succumbing to illness; on Christmas Eve morning, I woke up feeling absolutely awful, but refused to be sick. I said to myself, out loud, "Perfect health is my truth, no matter how I feel. I am a divine expression of the One Life, and that Life knows no illness, therefore I know no illness", etc. Within an hour, I felt fine.

Its now two days later, and I'm back in bed, feeling sick. I want to refuse this condition, but I feel like I just don't have the energy. My fuel has run dry.

Some people discredit the New Thought Movement for being a touchy-feely, spineless, non-philosophical philosophy, but I disagree entirely. To know that my thoughts create my reality, my life and all the conditions that come with it - this is a very tall order! When I'm sick, I can't make bargains or barter with any God, except for the One that is Me. I have to own up to my own experience, and know that I can be miserable or I can be joyous, I can be healthy - even if my condition appears otherwise - or I can be sick - again, even if contrary to appearances.

I have a friend who, by appearances, may seem to have had cancer, but everyday she has lived and continues to live in the consciousness of perfect health. The outward condition has no power over her joy. I have many other friends who are perfectly healthy by any medical diagnosis, but who's stresses keep them in a constant state of fatigue and discomfort. They are more sick than she is, because she has a ceaseless commitment to consciousness. She decides.

Not a small decision. I'm not having the energy today to decided to feel healthy in the midst of this cold. I want to go to the video store and get more cinematic crack, but the walk feels so far, and I feel so weak. (I just finished the Phantom Menace and Contempt - maybe that's why I feel bad. But that's another topic all together.)

So, what do I decide? There is not the option of not deciding. I have the cold, or I have the health. It seems, at this point, either decision is going to take it all out of me. Sick, or well? No bargaining, I decide.